So, you might have noticed me missing from most of the internet for about a week. At least from any blogging site or Youtube. That’s because I’ve been working so damn much that I have hit burn out in just about every area of my life. I haven’t had brain power to do much of anything. I certainly haven’t had it to do any writing.
Full disclosure: Working this much has led to me developing a bit of anxiety that take form in panic attacks. So when I’m not working I am frequently trying to keep myself calm. My life has come to revolve entirely around my dayjob and that is what gives me anxiety. The fact that so much of my time is not mine, and I can’t even spend time with my partner anymore. I am working 12 hour days frequently, and it’s zapping all of the spoons I have.
So, needless to say, I haven’t done any writing these past few weeks. I hate it. Absolutely hate it. The fact that I don’t have brain power to even write a poem (let alone any kind of prose) is driving me absolutely crazy. I’m not me if I’m not writing something. I don’t even feel like myself if I’m not working on some kind of writing project. I need to be able to get back to having some writing time. At least a little. Since starting to work this much I’ve been craving a day where all I do is drown in words. I spend from sun up to sun down doing nothing but writing.
Obviously I’m completely overwhelmed and don’t feel like I have time for anything anymore. This needs to change. I need to stop working this much or I’m going to wind up breaking completely down.
I have managed to read a book in it’s entirety. I stayed up nearly all night the other night because I was so absorbed in BEFORE I FALL by Lauren Oliver. It was a good book, though it took me awhile to get into it. I didn’t understand that Samantha was in a time loop, so when the entire chapter was nothing but detailing her day with stuff that seemed meaningless it struck me as not really having a plot. Then I realized she was in a loop and it clicked that “oh. This information is all relevant.”
I take off points though because there was no real reason for the loop to even begin. It was triggered by one of the characters dying, and time reset when that girl was saved. But it was never explained WHY her living and not dying was significant or caused some kind of loop to begin. This girl is just another girl in the story. She’s no more or less important than Samantha (the main character) herself. So why did a loop start when this girl died and not when Sam died? Or when Elody died? Nothing in the book gave any kind of explanation. The story was good, but without a reason it felt incomplete. It felt very lacking.
BEFORE I FALL gets 3 1/2 stars from me. A full star off for not giving a reason, and a star for slightly homophobic wording (Oliver used the word f*gg*t, and one of the characters made the comment “lesboing out?” when Sam kissed her cheek, both of which struck me as Wrong) and for the line “…teeth so white they looked like bone.” Um, teeth are bones? How did that line even make it through several editing passes?!