Begin Again

I’m writing again. Last month I didn’t write a thing–not a word. No poem, no sentence, nothing. (Unless you count a blog post, which in this context I don’t.) I don’t really know what happened. Maybe I was putting too much pressure on myself, trying to get something “right” to be published. Maybe I was just trying to force myself to write something that I didn’t feel that passionate about. I don’t know. Really, I don’t care.

What I care about, is that I’m writing again.

At the start of the month I got a spark, an idea. It was random and totally out of the blue, and it hit when I was driving. But I held onto it and mulled it over as I raced home. I wrote it down when I got there, not knowing where it was going. But I did it. I wrote something. Just a paragraph or two to start with, and I gave myself permission to stop after that. I still had no clue what would come of it.

The next day I went back and added a little bit more. Just whatever came to mind. I didn’t worry about if it made sense, if it made a good story, if I would eventually need to change it or edit it. I just wrote, not caring if it was shit or gold.

I got absorbed in my friend’s wedding after that, and didn’t return to the page for an entire week. But I did. I went back again. I a full page and then some.

I went back again today and wrote two pages. The story is growing, getting longer. I still have no clue where it’s going or what will come of it. And truth be told I don’t care. I’m enjoying the journey. I’m letting my imagination take me wherever it will, regardless of anything else. This doesn’t have to meet anyone else’s eyes. Just mine. I just need to enjoy it. And I am.

Here’s what I do know about it:

–it takes place in a fictional, unnamed (as of yet) seaside town

–there is a Priestess, a witch in it. She’s the magickal kind that can cast spells and is friends with fairies and is learning to open up and trust again

–in writing this story I’m opening up again. I’m letting my imagination run rampant and it feels good. It feels right. I haven’t felt this good in ages. This little story is changing me in the best ways.

–I’ve tried to fit myself into the mold of plotter for awhile. Making myself notes, having a clear idea where the story was going to go. It doesn’t work. I’m too stifled. Though I’ve only written a total of four pages (front and back) this story has already taught me that I’m happiest when I just write and don’t worry about having a map. The entire process feels more natural this way.

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One Year

It’s been one year since Pulse. One year to the day. I have no words to say that can make what happened better. I have no sentiments that will ease the ache of those lost. All I have is memories and condolences for the 49 victims of that Orlando night club and those who lost people there. It was tragic, horrendous, and undoubtedly a hate crime. So many, last year, tried to brush it off as not a hate club. But it was. Forty-nine people were killed at a gay night club during Pride month. To ignore that this was clearly a hate crime is foolish and dangerous.

Over the weekend I went to a wedding and celebrated the love between two good friends. There was much merriment and many laughs. We all had a good time.

Today I am quiet and my thoughts go back to a year ago, to those we lost and I can’t help but quietly weep. How could anyone feel so much hate to kill people they don’t even know? I don’t understand it, and I think I never will.

Even before Pulse I was committed to being “Out and Proud” so to speak, to never hide who I am because it might make some people uncomfortable. No one should have to live in fear of just being who they are. LGBT folk are no different from you. We love our partners and want a good life together without violence and a safe place to keep our (fur)babies well.

All month long I’ve been gearing up for one of my favorite times of year–NYC Pride. I adore it and love it. The atmosphere there is amazing. I’ve gone every year since moving here~ Last year they had a few sections of the parade dedicated to the Pulse shooting, to the victims. They did a great job. ❤

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Each person represents one of the 49 victims

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We will never forget ❤

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Happy Pride!! <3

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Book Review: BEFORE I FALL by Lauren Oliver

So, you might have noticed me missing from most of the internet for about a week. At least from any blogging site or Youtube. That’s because I’ve been working so damn much that I have hit burn out in just about every area of my life. I haven’t had brain power to do much of anything. I certainly haven’t had it to do any writing.

Full disclosure: Working this much has led to me developing a bit of anxiety that take form in panic attacks. So when I’m not working I am frequently trying to keep myself calm. My life has come to revolve entirely around my dayjob and that is what gives me anxiety. The fact that so much of my time is not mine, and I can’t even spend time with my partner anymore. I am working 12 hour days frequently, and it’s zapping all of the spoons I have.

So, needless to say, I haven’t done any writing these past few weeks. I hate it. Absolutely hate it. The fact that I don’t have brain power to even write a poem (let alone any kind of prose) is driving me absolutely crazy. I’m not me if I’m not writing something. I don’t even feel like myself if I’m not working on some kind of writing project. I need to be able to get back to having some writing time. At least a little. Since starting to work this much I’ve been craving a day where all I do is drown in words. I spend from sun up to sun down doing nothing but writing.

Obviously I’m completely overwhelmed and don’t feel like I have time for anything anymore. This needs to change. I need to stop working this much or I’m going to wind up breaking completely down.

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I have managed to read a book in it’s entirety. I stayed up nearly all night the other night because I was so absorbed in BEFORE I FALL by Lauren Oliver. It was a good book, though it took me awhile to get into it. I didn’t understand that Samantha was in a time loop, so when the entire chapter was nothing but detailing her day with stuff that seemed meaningless it struck me as not really having a plot. Then I realized she was in a loop and it clicked that “oh. This information is all relevant.”

I take off points though because there was no real reason for the loop to even begin. It was triggered by one of the characters dying, and time reset when that girl was saved. But it was never explained WHY her living and not dying was significant or caused some kind of loop to begin. This girl is just another girl in the story. She’s no more or less important than Samantha (the main character) herself. So why did a loop start when this girl died and not when Sam died? Or when Elody died? Nothing in the book gave any kind of explanation. The story was good, but without a reason it felt incomplete. It felt very lacking.

BEFORE I FALL gets 3 1/2 stars from me. A full star off for not giving a reason, and a star for slightly homophobic wording (Oliver used the word f*gg*t, and one of the characters made the comment “lesboing out?” when Sam kissed her cheek, both of which struck me as Wrong) and for the line “…teeth so white they looked like bone.” Um, teeth are bones? How did that line even make it through several editing passes?!

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Sign Up For My Newsletter!

Hey there guys! I have decided to start my very own Newsetter. I liked the idea of a slightly more personal way to keep in contact with my lovely readers, and the fact that it’s a way to communicate with you all that isn’t just a blog post.

I’ve decided to go with a monthly newsletter for now as I get started. If I see that I have the time and capabilities for more often then I may increase it, but for right now I just plan to send out a newsletter once a month on each Full Moon. So I guess it’s technically a moonthly newsletter XD Oh I crack myself up. #NotReally #NoActuallyIDo #ILovePuns

There should be a sign up for that pops up when you view each post page individually, but for ease I’ve also included a form below! What can you expect to find in my newsletter? Life updates, project status and updates, potentially a few excerpts from my current WIP’s, any appearances I plan to make, etc. Oh and there will likely be a cute cat pic included. Because, let’s be honest, I’m a crazy cat lady. (Note that I didn’t say they would just be pics of Luna! I work with a cat rescue and at a vet’s office so I have access to a MYRIAD of cute cats, kittens, puppies, and other small animals!) If you’d like all this and more, sign up below!

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Blessed Beltane!

This is one of my absolute favorite songs about Walpurgisnacht, and it is aptly named. Have a blessed day, and I hope the weather wherever you are is good! )o( ❤

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Like Leaves On A Tree

I can’t believe it’s already the end of April! This year is going so fast. Though I must say that I’m quite happy to be having warmer weather. All I can talk about lately is going to the beach and when we can finally get there.  It hasn’t happened yet, but I’m determined that it will soon! Here are some other things that have been on my mind~:

~Saturday was Arbor Day. I didn’t really do much to mark it (it’s not typically a day I “celebrate” anyway, I just sort of keep an awareness of it in my mind), but I did notice all the green buds and leaves on the trees, and I am super grateful for them. ❤

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~My 30/30 is going…not so great. I started out strong, and then have fallen off the bandwagon. I’m really behind right now. At the beginning of the week I’d made a plan to catch up, and then last minute wound up working 12 hour days at the day job the rest of the week, so haven’t really done much writing of anything these past four days. So clearly I am still completely behind, and have a lot to catch up on. Given that I have a full weekend, I’m not confident I can “win” NaPoWriMo (or Camp NaNoWriMo). However I am going to give it my best shot.

~In related news, I haven’t been writing much prose either. Though I have been reading some books lately that are making me itch to write prose again, and I’m really glad about that. I can feel my creative writing gears shaking off their rust and starting to turn again which makes me extremely happy.

~Yesterday was International Tabletop Gaming day. I, my partner, and I gathered together and played a bunch of boardgames. My latest gaming obsession has been A FEAST FOR ODIN. Not just because of the naming or theming, but because it’s a really fun game and the mechanics seem really tight.

~This morning my partner and I spent BAKING. It was sporadic and last minute, but we came away with some delicious mixed berry muffins (which will be a perfect Beltane breakfast!) and homemade biscuits. ❤

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~And finally, a friend introduced me to Thai Coffee. I’d never had it before, but I’ve sort of fallen in love with it. Super good. Definitely recommend giving it a try if you get the chance. (Especially if you are a coffee fiend like me!)

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